Bats, Bloody Marys and Broken Hearts (spoken word performance)

Drink a Bloody Mary while reading this text.

– Bats communicate with each other through high frequency chirps, screeches, and songs. And while humans can hear sounds limited to frequencies between 20 and 20,000 waves per second, bats can hear frequencies that are over 100,000 waves per second
– Vampire bats make a small cut with their teeth, then lap up the flowing blood with their tongues rather than sucking blood like a vampire. The animals are so light and graceful that they can sometimes drink blood from an animal for more than 30 minutes without waking it up
– Vampire have a complex social structure, based on cooperation. They have learned to share. For the bats their lives depend on it
– Vampire bats give batmothers blood
– Bats where thought to have a diabolic 6th sense
– Bats host more than 60 zoonotic3 viruses
– Bats sleep 80 percents of the day
– Bats are superstars of science
– Bats fly with 80 km/h
– Bats fly more agile then birds. Originally Da Vinci used them for drafts of aircrafts

„Did they also force you to collect shells?“ 
Did u look at those little things. How incredible their patterns are, like little universes, or supernovas. It’s a grey day. You arrive with a group of friends arrive at a Scottish beach. Wow, absolutely not the sunny day you were dreaming of. You make yourselves comfortable at a wind save spot behind some rocks. Glass shards are all over the ground. 
Some time later you walk off by yourself, the rest of the group stays cuddled behind the rocks. On your right the ocean moves in soft waves, on your left is a forest whose leaves are played by the wind. Very far ahead are a bunch of massive trees, which look kinda like pine trees. They definitely aren’t pine trees, you are in the wrong country for that, right? Who knows. Who cares, they are beautiful anyway.
You walk to their direction. Ahead of you is a weird green field of ocean seed on rocks. Can you walk on it? Yes sure, just do it. It’s less slippery than expected. You walk on and on, the surface below you changes from green to brownish red, a layer of something skin like is below you. It looks like raw sea ham, could you eat it?
There’s so much going on down there, everything seems to flourish, live, and at the same time has died a long time ago. Somethings between moving organism and fossil. You find a sea shell, it‘s the first of your new collection. And another, and another, and another. Oh nah, not this one, it’s actually the house of a little crab so let‘s leave it be. 40 minutes later you feel like you wandered through a microverse and the document of your journey are sea shells. 
You go back to your camp and show two of your friends the documents of your journey. 30 minutes later they’re also collecting sea shells. Shortly after you also convince the other two friends to collect sea shells.
A bit later you hear the second group asking the first one: „Did they also force you to collect shells?“  
Well yeah, fuck you, lol.

„What do you want?“
Does it matter to know what you want? Maybe it doesn’t really too much. 
What can you even be, or what can anyone be? What is the person asking you that annoying question? 
Is the decision of knowing what you want really the truth of what you want? 
Probably it doesn’t work that way but hey also a castle of hope is a castle. 
A pretty fragile one though.

I lost my job, i lost my job.
I lost my job, i lost my job.
Hey Jacky, I can’t come to work I’m on youtube.
Hey Jacky I can’t come in I really can’t be arsed today.
I lost my job, i lost my job.
I lost my job, i lost my job.
Hey Jacky I won’t come today I’m selling drugs. 
Hey Jacky I can’t come today I partied hard last night. It was fucking glorious.
I lost my job, i lost my job
I lost my job, i lost my job

„Can’t be arsed.“ 
Nah, I really can’t be arsed. Do you know what that means? It mean sorry you’re really, really, reeeaaally are not in the mood of doing something. Like, you could search for an excuse, like „ah ya i feel a little bit sick“ or „in those times you better stay home in a moment like that“, but let’s be honest – you just can’t be fucking arsed. And that’s totally okay, don’t be so proud with your time, your moments together will come and if not – so what? Force and friendship are opposite poles, stupid. Can’t be arsed to explain this anymore byyyeeee.

„Where are you?“

Don’t know, where are you? You got completely lost the other day. Have you ever experienced this? At the beginning your way seemed clear cause your body’s inner compass directed you. At some point you started to hesitate this intuition and that’s where the misery started. Stuck at a crossroad, you had absolutely no idea where you are. 
Every street looks the same. 
Every street looks the same. 
Two random guys ask you if you okay. 
“Kinda, you?”
4% battery left, you call a friend and tell them that you’re lost. 20 minutes later the dust of your confusion breaks with their voice saying: „You alright?“. That’s what they always asks.
„Yeah I’m okay. 
Never before have you been happier to hear them asking it. 
2 hours later you ask another friend: 
„Have you ever been lost?“ 
„Yes sure, constantly, happens all the time.“
„What really, and then?“
„Well, I just walk around and somewhen I remember where I am.“ 

You can intrude someones mind by tricking them into ideas and thoughts. You always do this ya, that’s how you’re an artist, don’t you? 
Corrupt conventional thinking. Experiment. It’s quite fun, isn’t it? Ask people to do things they usually don’t do. See things they usually don’t see, or hear, or whatever. Let’s create chaos, love, weirdness and harvest the fruits of it. 

„Let’s do some mingle dingle.“ 
Hell fucking yeah let’s do it. The unspoken thought which was in everyone’s had has finally been articulated. Let’s do it, it will be fun, we’ll be fun, we’re already but everyone is ready for more and longer. So let’s mingle dingle wingle dididididi bung bung bung dance, dudududu dangdangdang groove, base, hug, we melt together, dance, dance, dance harder, jump, scream, calm down, lie down, someones head is on your shoulder.
You smell each other – it’s beautiful. It’s weird, how long will it last? You’ll know when it’s over, won’t you.
It’s over. You sit on your bike and ride home. One night out of thousands, and there’s nothing what could have been better at this moment. 

Weird moments of self hatred. We all know them, don’t we? Your inner self screams for sleep because you feel too much. You felt too much, exhaustion. 
You have made the decision to feel a lot, and you practice that. You wanted to love, to fall in love, you tried, but failed. 
They gave you love, you wanted to love back, but „wanting“ and „loving“ is a very dysfunctional combination of words.
Do you care?
Did you always (no) and will you always keep doing it? (Who knows)
Sometimes it feels wrong, cause caring stands at the root of being hurt. Things were maybe much easier without it. But who does really trust the easy way? 
Nah, care, don’t stop doing it. If it gets too much you know what to do, rave a full weekend and afterwards you got emotional capacities again. 
Caring doesn’t mean loving. Feeling good doesn’t mean loving nor caring. Caring and feeling good stand in a close relationship though, and adding love to that may activates the trinity of happiness? If not no problem, pain makes good art, so enjoy the misery you little wretch. 

You just gotta find the right angle. Hold the bottle to the right direction of the blowing wind and it will make a sound.
It’ all about the right angle. Lol. Not gonna say anything more about this. 

How fucking good it feels to accept enjoying attention sometimes. Get it, enjoy it, reward it. Have fun. 
Can you see, hear, smell, feel? Perform.

Do you know the feeling of impossible love? You both know it, your souls suck on each other but everything around counterbalances those feelings. How beautiful is it to agree on the impossibility of this situation?
You still sit all night long shoulder on shoulder while chatting, and then both going home separately. How beautiful is it to be together without any obligation? How complex those situations are though. 
Are relationships rather a question of context than of emotions? 

Fuck postmodern irony, thanks and bye. 
We’ve seen it, really. It’s funny to begin with but it leads to n o t h i n g, like masturbating when you’re not really in the mood to. It also leads to nothing, not the good nothing, more like the shitty, empty nothing. 

„Do you think it’s a good sandwich?“ They smile knowing that the sandwich will be two cheap pieces of white bread and an oily fried egg, while answering: „Well, you get what you get.“
At least an egg. 

Sometimes you travel before you’re ready for it so there’s a gap of distance between your body and mind. Your body travelled too fast. The gap in your mind is getting filled with nightmares. 

After two wonderful months you’re having a smashing goodbye party. You stumble into the toilet with a wineglass in your hand. While you try to place it in the sink you shatter it to a million shards that blink in the sink. You start to clean up with your bare hands and for once you don’t even cut yourself. After three walks from toilet to kitchen bin the mess is gone but you still need to pee. Your friend walks into the kitchen so you tell them your tragedy. They look confused at you, smile and tell you that you don’t make any sense. Both of you smile and hug each other.
„This all means so, so much to me, it’s impossible to put it in words.“
Time stands still. 

After the party you walk home. You realise how good it was. A feeling of happiness is accompanied by the knowledge of how unhappy you’ve been before. Another chapter closes, a very beautiful one. It‘s a lovely mild summer night that lulls your evening walk down the road. Alone. As you’re aware of your happiness you also know how sad it makes you to leave now. You smile while tears are running down your cheeks.
Yes sir, I can boogie.
Your vision is blurred, you walk slower. Big boys don’t cry, fortunately I’m no boy.
Deep breaths.
Beautiful sadness.